Personality Test: Filmmaker Carl Kurlander

The star who would play me in the movie version of my life and why:

In “St. Elmo’s Fire,” Emilio Estevez actually had to act out several of the crazy things I did to try to win over the real-life waitress from the St. Elmo Hotel, who inspired the movie. Emilio kept telling me that there was no way anyone could act this nerdy in real life.

Childhood hero and why:

I remember blowing up a weather balloon in Marc and Florri Mendelson’s backyard when I heard that Bobby Kennedy was shot. I was just impressionable enough at 9 to get a sense of what he represented.

In five years, I’d like to:

See Pittsburgh as a thriving producer of entertainment content (films, TV shows, gaming, internet companies, etc.)

My favorite thing about Pittsburgh is:

That it never changes — which, by the way, is my least favorite thing about Pittsburgh: that it never changes. But, seriously, it is simple: the people.

If the TV is on at 2 a.m., I’m watching:

“The Daily Show”/”The Colbert Report” repeats, Joel O’Steen to see if I can find spiritual peace along with really white teeth, and pitchman Billy Mays commercials to see if I can hear his Pittsburgh accent

Three people I’d love to have dinner with:

My wife and daughter, on a nightly basis. Otherwise, Andrew Carnegie, Andy Warhol and Jonas Salk, to get each take on Pittsburgh. Can we squeeze in Gene Kelly, too?

After a long day, I like to relax with a (pick one):

A. Martini

B. Cold beer

C. Cabernet

D. Herbal tea

E. Hot chocolate

F. Red Bull

A martini, if you want me to tell you the real stories of my life in the ’80s; hot chocolate, if you want me to actually relax.

My favorite sandwich, plus fixings:

Cream cheese and jelly

One word your mother would use to describe you:

She always told me “Carl” meant “manly.” Don’t know if I bought it.

Celebrity crush:

When I first started writing on “Saved By the Bell,” the rest of the writing staff made fun of my crush on Tiffany Amber Theissen and even gave me a Kelly doll and had her sign a poster to me.

My required snack in a movie theater is:

Popcorn with junior mints sprinkled in there

When I was 10, I wanted to be:

20

Musical instrument I wish I could play.

Guitar

My favorite comfort food:

Mineo’s pizza

I’m deathly afraid of:

The journey not meaning anything

If I was auditioning for “American Idol,” my song would be:

“This Guy’s In Love With You” by Herb Albert or “Close to You” by the Carpenters (sung like Rick Moranis in “Parenthood”) or “A Song for You” by Leon Russell

The first band I saw in concert (when and where):

Carole King, when my friend Shawn hustled me tickets

TV marathon you could watch all day and why:

Well, I just use Hulu these days — where I watch: “30 Rock,” “Chuck,” “SNL” “The Loop” and a bunch of old shows I should have watched before.

Favorite Pittsburgh-area landmark:

The view when you come out of the Fort Pitt Tunnel, which my daughter as a small child used to call simply “The Pretty”

Saturday mornings you’ll find me:

At Penn Mac at the Strip if I have ambition, ordering cheese from Carol, aka Dearheart, the cheese lady. But more likely watching SpongeBob with my daughter.

Best new gadget I’ve tried recently.

Flip Video phone

The person I’m most often mistaken for:

A blond George Costanza

The worst advice I ever received:

When I first went out to Hollywood, my well-intentioned grandmother cried, “Why are you going out there? No one makes it. You’re crazy!” A couple of decades later, when I moved back here, she said, “What are you coming back here for? Everything’s dying. Move back. You’re crazy!”

The most famous person I ever became friends with:

Depending on the decade, I could say Rob Lowe and Emilio Estevez in the ’80s; “Saved By the Bell“‘s Mr. Belding in the ’90s. But if you want to know the public figure whose friendship I most cherished, the late Mayor Bob O’Connor.

The movie that always makes me cry:

Usually the one that I’m working on

My most treasured fashion accessory is:

My “Kountz & Rider” sweaters, shirts and lucky underwear (probably too much information)

If I wasn’t a filmmaker, I’d be:

A doctor… because that was what I was brought up to be. I first came to Pittsburgh because my mother married my stepfather, a doctor from Pittsburgh. My real father was a doctor from Cleveland. My first joke was my mother never got divorced — she just got referred to another husband.

The last book I read:

Re-read Bill Strickland’s “Making the Impossible Possible”

My favorite Pittsburgh pizza:

Mineo’s. My friend Bernie Goldmann (producer of “300”) and I used to Fed-Dx Mineo’s to L.A. Still kills me that they Fed-Ex around the world, but won’t deliver in Squirrel Hill.

Movie I could watch every time it appears on cable:

“Annie Hall,” “The Graduate” and “Taxi Driver.” I once showed them to a film class, and one of my bright students noticed they are all about the same thing— “guys going after girls who are out of their league.” Touche.

My favorite Web site:

Can I plug www.mytaleoftwocities.com?

My most memorable fashion mistake:

In fourth grade, my step-sister Ellen talked me into modeling for the Ellis fashion show. I didn’t realize until it was too late that I would have to model in my pajamas in front of an entire girls’ school … though I probably looked pretty cool in those tiger stripes.

My worst job:

I was a waiter at the famous Hollywood restaurant Muse. After two days, I was fired for misfolding tablecloths.

People would be surprised to know that I:

Only moved back to Pittsburgh for what I thought would be a one-year Hollywood sabbatical. I didn’t mean to fall in love with the place where I did not have the most ideal childhood. But Pittsburgh just does that to you.